then the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining

remember that you're a flower of light
it's time to blossom and shine
it's never too late to show your bright colors
there's true beauty inside!

and when the falcon settles me, then i know i'm right

perhaps we'll never know what we're truly here for, what we really want to get out of this thing called "life". sometimes it just seems like an endless journey, full of trivial pursuits and empty laughter.

have you ever sat in a crowded room and felt so alone? there can be so many people around you, so many people who know you're there, but no one that takes a deep glance to really see you, no one to take a look inside. life is sometimes just putting on a mask, going with the flow, and passing unseen, but the real treasure lies deep under the surface. and when someone finally digs it up, that's definitely something to never throw away. the ability to open up without fear, the strength to show someone what is really inside, now that's definitely something worth living and fighting for.

i implore you. don't look back. don't be scared. dig deep. look inside. don't turn away. there are treasures to be found.

makes me work a little bit harder, makes me that much wiser

our life after.

what is it about culture that brings us all together? an amazing invisible power that ties together generations. unity that transcends identity, boundaries of recognition. we are all under the same umbrella. have you ever felt like you knew a stranger? that you understand what a man is going through, as if it was your own father in an alternate universe.

take another step simply to reflect. do you know your roots? roots that stretch out deeply within family circles, that seeps out across communities? have you noticed those flowers? those that blossom through the new friendships and relationships that we have.

share in the experience.

04.17.10

www.ourlifeafter.com

fifteen steps then a sheer drop

have you ever glided across the lake in the morning? when the sun lingers near the horizon, scraping upwards for the sky. the water is a clean mirror, and the only blemish is the mark you yourself leave behind. but after the many hours and the many people that cross the lake throughout the day, don't you miss the smoothness of the surface when all you encounter now are the waves?

have you ever walked at night outside of the city, outside of the suburbs, where when you look up, you cannot find a piece of the dark sky unoccupied by stars? when you can see the glow of the milky way strewn across above you. and if you just keep staring upwards, you can feel its massiveness & scope that makes it so unreal but more real than the things happening around you. and when you stare upwards as you walk, how the sky does not move at all in relation to everything else, and you wonder how gigantic the universe actually is, why we're on such a little planet, how small our lives are in comparison to everything else, but how you still value every single little thing that's dear to you. the stars you look at are mere illusions, light that has traveled millions of years to trick our eyes. considering that, how can you tell what's really still there and what has passed away without our knowing?

laugh about it

it's been a while since my heart was so rocked. this past year has been full of struggles & commitments, but what's there to regret? i never felt so much more at home. yet fortunately and unfortunately, the year had to end with 09's graduations. i never felt so many heart-felt soul-piercing mind-blowing words and tears. i sincerely know that all of the seniors i've met, especially those at SEAgrad, have changed my experience at berkeley. they've all changed my life. from uyennie's heart & norris's charm to jv's passion, to-trinh's inner strength, fong's good-humored wit & amiability. all of them are true inspirations. and for each and every one of them, when i gave them those final heart-filled hugs, nothing went through mind except "..when will be the next time i will see them? when's the next time i will see them with my own eyes and see them truly amaze me again and again?". when uyennie asked me to help move her furniture & belongings to her father's car, a part of me wanted to scream out "no! you're staying here!" during the final preparations for yesterday's performance, i just wanted to tell norris, "yo! you're not going back to texas, man!"

but seeing each and every one of them the last time, i know that they will continue to inspire people wherever they go. and that they'll continue to live within us and push us along no matter where they end up or whatever they end up doing. and knowing that, i was able to release those final hugs not with sadness but with a proud smile.

to all you seniors: keep on fulfilling your legacies. live on strong, continue to inspire, and know that there's still a home for all of you in berkeley and within each and every one of our hearts!

the build-up

to hear the strings resonating beneath her fingers, her dextrous hands tuning the Ðàn tranh in the midst of her song. the mp4 files that we received in her email fails completely in comparison to hearing her music in person, live, with our own ears. to simply watch her play after years of practice, at least ten hours per day, was like admiring a masterpiece of art with both our eyes and with our hands.

i have to admit. the monsoon, our culture show, was one of the amazing opportunities that i have had throughout my whole life. but i have difficulty deciding what struck me more strongly. being able to express as calvsa our culture, lives, history, dedication, hardwork, our stories in that single, awe-inspiring night? or the three months of struggling, practicing, and planning to make the monsoon what it was, to make it what it is.

i definitely want to give a shout out to those who have poured their hearts into the show, the people not only in charge of the dances and planning, but also the people behind the scenes that made the show possible. and i definitely want to thank everyone there to support us, the people who have come to watch the monsoon unfold, the friends that faithfully waited alone at home while the many of us went out to hours of preparation into the night as late as 2am in the morning. for that, i'm eternally grateful :]

but yes, the opportunities to expand and learn so many things about myself, my friends, and the community. i'd have to say that the build up to our culture show was just amazing. being able to play alongside a vietnamese musician that is practically a celebrity made me feel so privileged. even while playing alongside her on stage, i still get mesmerized by her skill and precision with each and every instrument. joining sriracha being able to let loose and dance again along new and old friends made me feel proud of all of us, how much we improved not only individually but as a group. staying up until 2am on lower sproul refined our friendships as well as our set. working together for the dragon dance as well as performing not one but two culture shows across two different campuses was crazy. to jump onto the stage in stanford to play alongside thomas's apartment?! amazing!

it just seems that as the semester has gone by, i got to know more and more people. even though i don't have much time to just relax and sleep in anymore, bring a part of vsa and its culture show really brought the best out of me and my experience here at berkeley (besides maybe when my midterms take a hit..)

so i'm pretty much set for the year! my 4th paper is due on tuesday (my 2nd one on frankenstein..), finals in mid-may, trying to figure out my class schedule for fall, trying to avoid being homeless once summer starts....BUT NONETHELESS, my schedule won't be as clumped up as these past few weeks, so give me a call, stop by my dorm, let's have lunch, what about those summer movies coming out etc?!

so i'll hear from you soon, right?!
-alex

p.s. now i remember how much i love to dance.

so take a look at me now. there's just a(n) _____ space.

the first new years celebration i've spent outside of home in years, the first new years i've spent after starting college. 1 minute. a group of us are sitting around the tv. i rush to the kitchen in order to briskly open a bottle of martinelli's with a ghetto bottle opener. 10. i run back to the tv to take a quick look. 8. i'm thinking "wait. the fucking bottle of apple juice is in the sink in the kitchen. 5. i run back, grab the cool glass of the bottle. 2. i take a quick look at the tv. 1. everyone's faces are filled with excitement! 0. HAPPY NEW YEAR! as i poured glasses of apple juice, i started thinking to myself that this was the first new year that i took seriously. i really felt accepted by those around me and those miles away, and i am grateful for that. i couldn't hold back the smile of having friends close by, even if they were making out as i almost offered them a glass. it just felt right, having a place in the world. so let's keep it that way.

so the following is a compilation of goals i'm setting for myself. and i want to ask a favor of you readers out there. make sure i do them! keep me in line! and for those that are close to me, tell me how i'm doing, make suggestions on how i should change, and just ask how i'm doing. please?


2009 resolutions:

•take on the new semester with fresh energy and an open mind!
-be willing to actually go to all my classes and learn!
-do my homework and studying early
-joining other clubs such as REACH and SASC.

•make new friendships and strengthen the old ones
-stay in touch with those far away
-occasional dinners with the bell bears
-visit friends at other colleges! (road trip?!)

•photography extravaganza!
-learn what i can from the seminar i'm taking!
-do my best as historian for vsa <3
-by night with the guidance of stars and electric lights!
-the friends i have and the life i share with them at berkeley :)
-learn the ins and outs of photoshop!

•the mission peak sunrise

•a day on the streets, guitar in hand, music ringing in the air

•san francisco by night

•if the opportunity ever arises (pray that it not), take the bullet for a friend, to live for others and not for myself, to not pull others down but hold them up.

•get an apartment with my friends, and cook for them!
-learn how to cook first before i kill them by food poisoning

•learn drums?! :D

•WORK OUT! for sure this time! (right, ryan? haha)

•be grateful with what i have and the people that are always there for me, to not take them for granted, to learn to love what i do and the people i'm with.

edit #1
•stop being egocentric